Disclaimer, if you have an order don't worry it will get done. Promise💕
I started writing on how I got started, and still havent finished it. But I'm itching to write about this. Today, I went to go do my eyebrows and literally told my eyebrow girl about all this. Believe it or not I'm a very reserved person. There's a lot that you guys don't know about me. So as I walk out with my eyebrows looking fire(thanks becca) I asked myself, what was that? Why did I just share all of that? To my eyebrow girl? Lol I realized I want people's approval of my decision. I want to hear "you're making the right move." Because I'm scared. Plain and simple.
We rent a 3 bedroom house. They are selling the house and we need to move. I live with my parents and sister, and our kids. People my age always talked down to people who still live at home with their parents. Saying people like us got it easy. I always wanted my kids to have stability. Most of these people would move from place to place, for whatever reason. And its not what I wanted. I wasn't ready. And I was blessed with a mom who has always had my back and my kid's. And I forever will be thankful for that.
Deep down I wanna go on my own. I want my kids to have their own room. I wanna grow by business. I cant do that out here in the valley. Its too expensive. Yes, I can afford a 2 bedroom apartment, but what about my business? All my inventory. Which is a lot. I would be living in a very very cluttered environment. My son will get his room. And the girls would share a room with me. I feel instead of growing, I'm limiting myself. I searched and searched, and the city that can give me what I want is Bakersfield. I can get a 3 bedroom house, with a backyard, with a good size kitchen, a garage for the same price I'll pay here for a 2 bedroom. First respond I often hear is thats too far!!! And I always say it's only 1 hour and a half. Im not moving across the state. and then the question I hear, is what about your business? Your customers? I will continue to take orders while I get established out there. I will come once a week(friday night, Saturday morning) to deliver my orders. A temporary thing, while I get some customers out there. These are my plans. I haven't found a house yet that I love. But I will keep looking. How do the kids feel about moving? They wish they can finish school out here, but they are pushing me to move. I see the excitement. It's a big step, and I am scared of moving out there, falling on my face and come back crawling. But Im smart enough to know, that I'm not gonna find out till I do it. I rather fall on my face, than never doing what my heart truly desires.
My goal is to take care of my mom eventually. In the next few years. Shes been working her whole life. And hard labor. She wakes up at 6am every day. Goes and cleans 2 houses a day. Comes back till 6pm. She's getting older, she doesn't have money saved up to retire to. It's my turn to take care of her. And work hard. We come from poverty. But just because we come from there doesn't mean that's where we need to stay. My mom, doesn't believe in everything I wanna do. And not because she doesn't believe in me. It's because the way she was trained to think. The way she was raised. She's a worrier. She's an overthinker. And it's hard for her to see what I see. She doesn't tell me, but I feel it. She's scared for me to move out there on my own. She keeps pushing those 2 bedroom apartments on me. And I don't blame her. Because I know its gonna be difficult. That there's gonna be moments of uncertainty. I know. But I need to go through this, to grow. Whether it works out or doesn't. I need to let the pain, teach me.
So when is all of this going to happen? Im not sure. I dont know how fast or slow this is gonna go. Something I do know is that God already has that home for us. He already knows where we gonna end up. I just have to have faith in him. Be patient. And do my part.
So friends, don't let fear limit you. Fear will keep us doing the same thing over and over. Where no growth will take place. Is that the life you want?