Running a business and being a mom is not easy. Its freaking hard. Its 10:36pm, about to start my last wave of Valentine's Day orders. I have to dip 168 strawberries, and I know I should just get sleep. But I rather pull an all nighter, and rest tomorrow.
If you're a customer, you may not know how crazy it is on pick up day. As much as you count and count, and organize your paperwork, theres always that fear that you forgot an order. That you counted wrong(happened to me today). On top of that, I'm running online classes. I try my hardest to be there for my students as much as I can. EVERY DAY. Even on crazy days. So yeah, a little stressful. And if you're a mom, 100x more stressful. And 100x more guilt. Today, I didnt get to help Emma with homework. Today, I didnt get to help her do her Valentine's day cards. She would come and ask "mom, have you seen...or mom do you know"...and all that came out of my mouth was not right now Emma. I asked Kimberly to help her do all the stuff I was supposed to do and just couldnt. Before I knew it, it was her bedtime. "Mom, can you come lay down with me?" Yes Emma. And as I ran my fingers through her hair, told her I love you, she starts to fall asleep. And I start to cry, and I whisper to her "I'm sorry". Deep down I know, my kids will turn out to be amazing people. That they are resilient. That it's good for them to see their mom work so hard to achieve her dreams. I know. But that doesnt stop the guilt from creeping in. I feel it, in my bones, in my heart.
If you are thinking to yourself "omg poor kids." Or " what a bad mom." Its ok. You cant possibly understand, what is like to work for your dreams. For what truly makes you happy. It's my vision. Not yours. I love to create, teach, inspire(I need a shirt that says that) I will continue to work hard. Being an entrepreneur, is full of sacrifices. Some were not build for this kind of life. And I dont blame them. Its tough. I'm gonna keep fighting the guilty thoughts and feelings. I'm gonna remember to be kind to myself. Because although that guilt wants to make me feel like a bad mom, I know that I'm a good mom. Not perfect. But one that tries her hardest. I hope...actually I KNOW one day my kids will appreciate all my hard work. And will feel proud of me❤ ok enough writing... time to get back to work.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!