Leaving my Job of 13 years
I know, it's been a few weeks that I haven't blogged. I'm big on being consistent, and I do understand how hard it is to show up. Even when life happens. But you just start again. And again till you make it a habit ❤
Its been almost 5 months since I left my job of 13 years. Since I dont get that consistent check. Has there been times of "did I make the right choice?" Sure there has. But I am 100% I made the right choice.
The day before my official last day, I was at walmart in the greeting cards aisle. I spend at least 10 min looking through cards, trying to find the perfect ones to give to my bosses. I finally found the perfect ones. Then I spend a few more minutes, writing these long paragraphs on each card. I went to work the next day, and my bosses were on vacation. Didnt get to see them. Didnt get to hug them or say bye. I left the cards in their office and that was it. My shift ended, my co workers came to say bye. And I left. As I walked away, I cried. I felt like I was leaving this toxic relationship. Like I knew it was the right thing, but it still hurt. Because I had given 13 years of my life to this job.
I went back for my last paycheck, one my my bosses was there. He hugged me and said don't be a stranger. Got my check, and inside was this small thank you card. For those that dont know, I worked in an arcade. We had a prize counter. Well as a prize, we have these 8 pack of thank you cards. They used one of those to write me a thank you card. 13 years I was there and they couldn't spend 10 min and spend $4 dollars on a proper card? There were a few words. Which felt vague and general. Right then and then, I knew I had done the right thing. I was just another number.
For 3 years, I contemplated leaving. In the middle of those 3 years, I left my job for a few months. I came across my bosses one time, and they asked me if I was willing to come back while they look for personnel etc. I was struggling financially, so I said ok. I took the safe way out. But it was a mixtake. I got stuck there for another 1 year and a half. I felt they needed me. But my heart and head wasn't there anymore. I would spend my shift thinking of my orders, future orders. When it was slow, I would work on responding to pending inquiries. Saturdays were the worst, after working at home 24 hours straight with no slee, I would rush to my job to work an 8 hour shift. It was the worse feeling ever. I hated it. I couldn't even function. And for sure it was not healthy. I always told myself, but this is what I have to do to support my kids. This is how it has to be. I was wrong.
I stopped cashing my checks. For months. And it was a way for me to get confirmation that I could make it without those consistent checks. And for months I did. I didn't need this job. For a few months I stayed, because that feeling of "they need me" stopped me. But I was wrong about that too. Everyone is replaceable. No matter who you are. So I finally got the courage and put in my month notice. It was one of the best decisions, I have ever made. I do not reget it.
My dad was an "entrepreneur". He always worked for himself. He went through phases. When I was young, I never knew what he was truly up to. When people would ask me what does your dad do? I honestly would say, I have no idea. There were times, where he had lots of money, but then there were more times where he had 0. He did crooked stuff, and got himself locked up. He's out now. But struggling. Doesn't really have much going on for himself. And I say all of this cuz who held us down, was my mom. Now her daughter has become an entrepreneur. And although she supports my decision, I know she's worried for me. Shes worried for those dry times. She's worried that some day, it will come to an end and I'll be left with nothing. Like my dad.
Entrepreneurship is not easy. It requires a lot of discipline. Because now you dont have anyone over you. Who you need to respond to. Theres no one holding you accountable. You do what you want, when you want. And although that sounds amazing, it can really be a reason why we fail. Everytime I'm having a "I don't feel like it day." I always talk to myself and I tell myself "get it together." I love this life. And if I want to keep it, I need to work really hard at it. My kids are counting on me. And I'm counting on myself to make this work.
We all want a better life for our kids. A better life that our parents were able to provide for us. But in order to do that, in order to live a better life, chains need to be broken. Our train of thinking needs to change. There is so much out there, and I'm done using "I came from poverty" as my excuse. We have the power to make a change. To reach a higher level. Its in all of us. We gotta believe it. Surround yourself with people who are doing better than you. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Listen to people who inspire you. Who push you. Who motivate you. Who make that bulb in your brain light up. Spend your free time, gaining knowledge. Not watching hours and hours of tv shows. Tv shows sometimes make us feel like damn I wish I had that life. That house, that car. That perfect husband. That perfect love. Most of the time we are left feeling, like so much is missing in our lives. That does nothing for us. Stop doing that to yourself. Change things up. Invest in your well being. You are worth it. Watch that fire inside of you come to live, and watch that growth take off. Just try it. It will change your life. I believe in you ❤